Bed Rules

I know I have not blogged in a VERY long time, and I know it may be a bit unorthodox to make my return with such a silly, and essentially meaningless blog, but I had a thought the other night and I would really like to share it! 

To all married couples, soon to be married couples, and single folks planning on getting married sometime in the future: there are RULES when it comes to sleeping in the same bed with your spouse! Let me map it out for you. Lets say you have a king size bed, which is basically like a large square. On the left side of the bed, imagine a thin rectangular shape, big enough to for a person to fit in, but not much bigger. Now imagine the same rectangular shape on the other side. Now if you are envisioning this correctly you should see a large square (the entire bed) with a long yet thin rectangle on either side of the bed (the space in which the sleepers would inhabit). Now, what this leaves in the middle is a small space called “No Man’s Land”. And there are rules for No Man’s land! This is NO place for either of the individuals to have their ENTIRE body. This is a place where MAYBE it is ok for a hand or foot to cross over into, but by NO MEANS should an ENTIRE body be sleeping in this area! Its just not right! Awful things could happen! People could get hurt!!! 

But it happened….

Happily sleeping was I the other night, when a little breeze and a sharp pain to my side disturbed my slumber. Slowly I opened my weary eyes, when….Holy Trespasser Batman!!!! There he was, my husband, sleeping like a newborn babe, mouth gaped open where a lovely breeze escaped and shot directly up my nose. And Hark! What be that pain in my side?! Why, its an elbow, that could not possibly reach my ribs unless my husband crossed over into, yes you guessed it, NO MAN’S LAND! Oh, but I dont want to wake Sleeping Beauty, at least not completely, so flop, do I, like a fish out of water. And I did not yield in my fish hops until I hear that deep sigh and felt the perpetrator roll back into his own “rectangle”. Now, its all in good fun that I tell this story, but remember ladies and gents, its always a good idea to respect the space of No Man’s Land.